So, it seems to be pretty common to hear that the idea of “family” as we used to know it is disappearing. This being said, have you ever taken a moment to think why?

Well, in my opinion, it all boils down to the idea of competition. From my experience, 85% or more relationships are based on a competitive nature, and because of this, is adding unnecessary stress to the relationship.

The idea of competition has always been more of a masculine idea. From ancient sports to hunting etc. competition is what made the male gender thrive in days of past, but somewhere along the lines, women began adopting this competitive nature.

This competitive mood puts the family in a constant state of alert. Both the female and the male take the role of leader and often times find themselves clashing heads over the simplest of things. Suddenly, the idea of “winning” and being the “higher achiever” come into the picture and end up hurting the relationship rather than helping.

At some point, the hierarchy of relationships built on these fundamentals has to collapse due to the fact that women, in nature, are different. Achieving things make women anxious, cranky and unsatisfied. Women innately need to be in a relaxing environment in order to feel at ease. To elaborate, women are created to care,  provide comfort and being creative and much more. To add-on, the reason women want to control everything is that everyone is always talking about how important it is to be self-built and to do everything yourself.

Who started that idea? Do you know? I don’t… What I do know that many spiritual books talk about trusting, relaying, being one, serve each other, help each other.

Can you imagine a woman who gets home after a long day where she was a super achiever that the same woman will say: honey, can I serve you a dinner? Or baby, can I be at your service? Or say nothing but just be there for her loved ones? Kinda hard to imagine in my opinion.

In my opinion, a super achiever female comes home after a long day and goes: take your things we are going for dinner. I will drive, I will make an order at the restaurant and I’ll pay.

What do you think a man should do or feel or act or be after that kind of a communication?

A man was created to protect, to provide, to enjoy, to feel cared and loved… and all of a sudden, he has another “dude” who is trying to fight him for his position in the relationship. Do you think he will be willing to protect under those circumstances? If I was a man, I’d fight… You are not being tender like a flower and light. No, you are being another dude… and men are programmed to fight and win!!!!

Let me ask you, why do you compete with your man? Why? What’s the point? Why do you compute with a man YOU picked and decided to be with… to create a family give birth children with… you picked him to be happy with and what are you doing then?

You are a family after all, and families are supposed to love each other and care for each other and help. Instead, you are competing to “win”… Can you imagine how broken our relationships get if we follow this pattern?

So in order to feel happy we engage ourselves in a battle that makes everyone around us miserable… but strangely we don’t derive any satisfaction as well. As a result, we have a separate bedroom, separate money, separate dinners, vacations, and the list is too continues…

A family is a team, not a battlefield with enemies we need to knock out. A family is when you are together no matter what.! It’s when two people are becoming a one. It’s a cooperation – all of which is far far away from being competitive or selfish. On the contrary- it is to be there for your partner at his or her service, selflessly, willingly, happily…

A lot of people around us are talking about spirituality but when you ask them about the essence of spiritual practice they will tell you thousands of things like trust the universe, learning from mistakes and so on, but what they fail to understand is that growth alone is not what those books are talking about! Spiritual growth will only occur in a family, being with a partner. Learn through relationship, build on that, grow together, trust, share…. feel happiness, feel protected…

You can not experience any of those when you are single… My point here is this: Our relationships are a lot of our body organs. They communicate with each other nicely which makes us feel good and be healthy. If one organ takes over the whole organ….. what do you think happens? So just as our organs need to rely on each other’s strengths to be healthy and happy, a relationship must rely on the strength of each other to be happy and sustain.