Whenever I’m out, I take some time to observe my surroundings, usually couples. Whether I’m at the Farmers Market, a cafe, store, or a restaurant – I pay attention to couples and how they interact with their kids. Today, I want to talk about couples and their relationships with their children as well as the tendencies that develop with the addition of children to a family.

ON AVERAGE, WHEN A WOMAN IS ASKED WHO THE MOST IMPORTANT MEMBER OF HER FAMILY IS, HER FIRST RESPONSE IS HER CHILD.

It is the family hierarchy. The child is first, and is then followed by themselves, or somebody other than the husband. From my observations, the husband always seems to come last in the grand scheme of things.

This family hierarchy is destroying relationships. Of course, no one blames a child for ruining a relationship. What are you, a monster? It is a perfectly normal response for a mom to put her child first. That being said, the concept of complete and utter dependence can be rather poisonous if you do not consider the bigger picture. Instead of believing in your own child’s ability to develop independence, we seem to be fostering an environment that develops his/her own abilities from the start.

NO ONE SEEMS TO THINK ABOUT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF A CHILD SEES THE MOM AND DAD PRIORITIZING ONE ANOTHER, AND NOT THEM.

In my opinion, a proper family hierarchy is when mother is treated as the “number one” for dad and vice versa. Sadly, I seem to be in the minority group who thinks this and most people don’t even consider this concept when raising children.

Women think that children are so important, they forget that they have a husband. We tend to remember him only in times of stress and essentials – things like paying the mortgage, helping with the kids, and being there in times of emotional instability. Sometimes, we are so obsessed with our children and ourselves that we don’t even remember we have a significant other. This kind of behavior is straining on yourself, on your child, and on your husband. What do you think is happening with your spouse if you only seek their attention when you need something from them or are in a bad mood? How would you feel?

YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS AND WANTS ATTENTION AS WELL, BUT MANY MODERN RELATIONSHIPS DIVERT ALL THE ATTENTION TO CHILDREN.

Your husband’s attempts to get attention may be going unnoticed. Men are usually very straightforward and solve their problems in a constructive and literal way. He might work like crazy in order to be a better provider, this is not necessarily a bad thing. The issue at hand is all this work may go unnoticed. This could go on for years until he eventually stops trying, and women are surprised when they wake up and realize that their relationship has huge holes in it and is falling apart.

DEAR WOMEN, YOUR MAN NEEDS TO BE NOTICED AND CARED FOR. HE NEEDS YOUR ATTENTION JUST AS MUCH AS YOUR CHILD. MAYBE EVEN MORE AT TIMES.

I understand that many of you may accuse me of thinking in a “1900’s” mindset, but to me – there is a validity to this school of thought. In those times, children saw their parents give each other respect and love, and in turn gave them love and respect. Moreover, a child who sees the love between parents grows up with more security and confidence.

LADIES, IF THIS REMINDS YOU OF YOUR FAMILY, I ASK YOU TO TRY CHANGING IT AND SEE THE DIFFERENCE.

Start thinking about what your husband might want for dinner for the weekend or for whatever occasion you can come up with. Don’t expect him to see your effort right away, but give it time he will notice. If you feel you have neglected him for an extended period of time, it is only reasonable to expect a delayed response. Our pride, soul, and hearts are not a toy. Once they are damaged, it is hard to get back to the neutral and even harder to walk into the realm of happiness. We ask everyone around us to be considerate of our feelings but often times we forget about those closest to us. Just as you need to water certain flowers a certain way in order for them to blossom, your closest relationships need to be managed tenderly in order for them to blossom.

In a relationship, from my experience, a man enjoys being able to take care of his wife. Even if she doesn’t necessarily need him to, it is the act of providing that gives him joy and a sense of accomplishment. It makes him happy. It is in that same aspect that I am asking you to respect your man and check the hierarchy in your family. A man must be noticed, he must feel like he is providing and assisting. If you are living a happy life prioritizing your child over your husband, I completely respect that. If not, choose to prioritize your man. This will ultimately be best for you and your family.

That’s just how it works.