Recently, I have been reading a lot of comments from proud women telling me things. They commented on topics along the lines of: “I don’t need a man to validate my existence” and “if a man doesn’t do what I want, he’s not a real man”. After reading these comments, it triggered my desire to share my thoughts on the subject and write this article.
After reading these comments my first initial thought is the idea: lacking the ability to ask or accept help from others is a direct reflection of your own hubris and pride. This kind of pride is mentioned in many religious texts, and beyond that, are mentioned as a sin. So now, I ask you, how often do you ask for help? Do you even accept the idea of asking for help? Can you ask for help from a man, your man? A woman? God? How easy is it for you to ask for help and what kind of situation do you need to be in to be able to ask?
I came across a comment from a woman recently where she stated that she felt that men have forgotten how to be men. While there are parts of this statement that I think is true, in my opinion, it is not because men have innately forgotten how to act like men, but rather that we women are not letting them be men.
In a relationship, it is important to ask your partner for help in times of need. It is important to communicate with your spouse about your difficulties and struggles.
It is important that he is able to feel that you are willing to talk to him about his problems and in times of need he is able to be there for you and help guide you through. It is through the action of helping and solving your problems that a man is able to feel the strength of the relationship. It reminds him that his women need him. It reminds him that in some situations relies on him to be the dominant partner in the relationship. It is the feeling of being able to protect and gives him the satisfaction of knowing he is doing a good job, and it reminds women of the idea that she is in the hands of someone that will keep her safe.
On a personal note, a lot of my girlfriends have been extremely stressed recently due to their inability to ask for help. They were put in difficult situations but were too prideful to ask their men for help. They would come to me and tell me “I will do it myself, I can’t rely on him… why would I ask…” and so on. Before, I would see the men in those relationships drop everything to help their loved one through their time of need, but through time and neglect, my friends managed to kill that chivalry in their spouses. The saddest thing about it is that those couples are still together. My girlfriends continue to push the idea that they are “independent”, but from what I can see they seem incredibly depressed.
Now, this being said, the act of asking others for help is by no means easy.
For many of us, it is easier to yell and create a scene rather than calmly ask for your man to spot you some cash for some attire. Beyond that, it is difficult to let go of anger and to ask for help during times of emotional turmoil. Even something as simple as asking “Can you hold me for a bit?” when you are having a rough day can be incredibly difficult at times. Our ego and drive for strength stay in our way telling us to guard ourselves, to stay strong. We have become so judgment even to ourselves in the harshest way that the idea of exposing our vulnerabilities is terrifying.
We need to learn how to ask and accept with dignity, graciousness, humbleness, appreciate and respect.
We need to learn how not to lash out at our partners. We should let ourselves be a woman and be vulnerable, at least when talking with your man. We need to accept our nature and allow ourselves to ask for favors and let our men be happy knowing he helped us. It is not a game or deceitfulness, it is the simple acceptance of another human being, for who he is, and respect for his nature.
We have beaten ourselves down lately due to all the propaganda has shown to us these days. We are pushed by media to be strong, slim, super smart, a super mom, a super-woman, super fit, all at the same time. Instead, I implore you to try to accept yourself, ourselves, for what we really are. Cry when you need to, laugh when you want. Remember to ask for help and accept it rather than trying to take on the world by yourself. The art of asking for help is the first big step to learning to understand and accept yourself. Try asking for help in the next couple weeks at least once a day. Ask your spouse to pour you some coffee, bring you a book, hold you and so on. Be creative and genuine with what you ask people and remember to be appreciative of them as well. You will start to notice how things will change around you. You might even find people helping you without even asking.