What is happiness? Do you know? Do you think I know? I probably don’t but I do have an idea on how to look for it and how to foster that feeling.

Let’s start by discussing what most people assume happiness is. Most people think that if a person goes around with a smile on their face, with an upbeat attitude all the time, they might be considered ‘happy’. We’ve all seen people walking around with smiles; whenever you see them and ask how they’re doing, you’ll hear “great” in return, and they torment you with so many smiles that you feel stupid that you had asked. They almost act as if it’s their normal state, and that you’re not on the same page with them with your ‘stupid question’. And of course, at some point, you don’t even want to greet them anymore, but instead ask “Why are you always so happy?”

Later, you might learn that that same exact person was actually seriously depressed, or had something bad happen in their lives. And you’re left to wonder “how did I not to see that coming…” I’ll tell you why. However, let’s first start with our definition of happiness. Happiness isn’t constant smiles or being constantly upbeat or constantly declaring “I’m doing great”.

When you see someone who is always in an upbeat mood, especially if they are somewhat close to you, ask what’s really going on and start looking for a clue.

I’ve seen tons of people who’d be going around with that cheerful attitude, but when you dig deeper you’d see a whole bunch of issues going on, and in fact, I’ve personally experienced several deaths by people who claimed to be “happy” all the time.

Who is happy all the time?

Usually, these people are seriously depressed, for starters. Think about comedians: a lot of them could be found in an obituary at some point with a suicide note above. Why is that? Their happiness are merely masks. So this naturally leads us to another question: what is happiness…?

To start off, happiness is a normal feeling. It’s not an exaggerated one; in fact, it’s a very quiet sensation. Happiness comes from within and it is true. That’s why it cannot be loud and upbeat all the time. Happiness is an internal satisfaction from something. If we are looking for a constant feeling, that satisfaction is from life. But how are we going to achieve it? I know you’ve heard this before but I’m still going to repeat because it’s the truth: Acceptance!

In many cases, ‘happy’ people are in denial. That’s why they picked to play that ‘role’ in a first place. Usually they are scared, don’t trust anyone, have tons of skeletons in their closets, and have many ‘sad’ stories in their book of life to seem sad and miserable to others. All of these are borne from their internal and constant feeling of misery and fear.

Sometimes you can notice these people being extremely happy, but in the next minute when things aren’t going their way, they become overly angry or sad. They sometimes even tell sad stories to collect others’ oh’s and wow’s and so on… Guess what? These all boost their ego, and they start to feel better about themselves, which that brings them even more ‘happiness’. And that cycle continues … Their ego gets grossly inflated. It’s sick, don’t you think?

Well, that’s way, way easier than facing what’s really happening in one’s life. It’s easier than working on themselves and changing something about themselves. It’s easier than taking responsibility for their lives and admitting that whatever bullshit they have in their lives had been created by them. Who wants to feel like a failure? Many don’t understand that accepting and admiring things, and working on them is a much safer and a more pleasant way to live than in constant denial and constant fear of being uncovered.

It is going to be hard in the beginning, but later it will become easier and much more pleasant. Trust me on that. One day you might wake up and find yourselves in a truly healthy and happy state of mind, and it’s going to be that quiet feeling in your chest when every cell in your body is just filled with a sweet feeling of inner satisfaction, and nothing can ruin that. Not traffic, not a bank teller with an attitude, not your spouse … No one and nothing. That is a true happiness.