I just got back from a social event where I saw a very successful woman. She has been career oriented and aggressive at work for a very long time. I know for a fact that she doesn’t let fear of gender discrimination stop her in her success. She was impeccably dressed at the event, classy, combed with beautiful makeup. Even with all of this though, there was a strange aura about her… almost like a grey veil over her face. She seemed colorless, blank and almost genderless other than the skirt she was wearing. I’ve known this girl for a very long time, and I could feel that the progression of her life was a direct reflection of the progression of her emotions and inner self.

This change made me think about how damn fast people are willing to sacrifice their true dreams and desires in order to achieve a societal definition of “success”.

It made me examine how quick we ignore our intuition in order to win a battle at work. Battles that don’t have winners, but only broken metaphorical swords – leading to emptiness. Some women these days seem to be prompt to demolish their femininity and throw it out of their lives despite the female destiny. Then they wake up 10 years later and throw the blame for their unhappiness on others. They never seem to look at themselves and question their own actions. Why? Because of fear!

Do we fear financial instability? Lack of comfort? Lack of love? Lack of success?

Here in the U.S., we have a strange perception of happiness due to the fact that there are such huge standards surrounding the American dream. A house, white perfect teeth, a good car, perfect skin and the list goes on. The standards of American success have been put to such a high standard that anything under this would mean failure. Fear drives us to derail our dreams and aspirations and chases a dream that is not our own. We fail to ask the right questions, questions about our egos and our twisted perceptions of life and happiness.

I’ve been touching on very simple yet challenging topics in my previous articles because no one seems to realize what society has done to us – women. Society doesn’t want us to be strong and feminine. It doesn’t want us to be in charge of our own life or our families lives. Society pushes an idea of competition, success, and perfection. With all these standards in place, how is someone supposed to acknowledge and face failure? Yet, this being said, this is exactly what we need.  Look back and analyze your losses. The earlier we start, the better chance we have.

Do you know that today one of the woman’s biggest fears is being alone? What do you think a woman’s biggest fear was a century ago? Losing their virginity… don’t get me wrong, I am a modern girl myself but really think about it. Today no one mentions it. We just don’t seem to care as much anymore.It seems that we forget that celibacy is important. We don’t understand that every time we sleep with a  man who is not responsible for us, we lose more of our female energy. The energy that we could have used for our child or for those we love. We don’t remember the number of men we sleep with by the time we get married and then we are left surprised when we hear that we are not fertile…

Women are built with a certain amount of fears by nature. It is only natural. If you don’t have fears you are either a saint or a fool. Fear is a part of life, it is necessary. Fear gives us the strength to grow.

It allows us to analyze a situation for what it is and enjoy life. To put it in perspective, imagine you were diagnosed with cancer or diabetes, usually, on that day we decided “okay, now I’m going to live life to the fullest, enjoy each day to the fullest”. Why do we have to wait till fear of death hits us before we can reach this state of mind? Do we really need such a cruel reminder to change our lives?

Did you know that our bodies react to negative thoughts in a similar way to if it were to actually happen? In my article “Turn Off Your Brain”, I urged women to stop going in circles in their minds. We need to start to remember our real goals and aspirations and go get them. It might be a drastic change in lifestyle, but if you make it through it will be worth it. If you fail during the transition, don’t put yourself down. Get up and think about why you failed, and how you can change things the next time around. Don’t let your ego run you, let your soul and heart lead you. We weren’t built to be miserable. Let’s try to straighten our paths and open the true door to happiness… “The source of fear lies not in danger, but ourselves” – Stendhal