A couple of events happened the other day that triggered me to first – ponder, and second – write this article.

The day I was bathing my son and suddenly, he started to slip from my hand. The bathtub was slippery and I couldn’t quite catch him steady enough, so I tried to find some balance. My three-month-old son felt that something wasn’t right and looked at me with worry in his eyes, but I was smiling and kept calm — which he read off me and trustingly calmed down.

Later that evening, when I was feeding him after his bath, the fire alarm went off and, of course, my son got startled and started sobbing right away. That was when I grabbed him, hugged him tightly, and started singing in his ear in a calm, relaxed way. At first, my son didn’t know how to react, but he then felt my arms around him and heard my calm voice despite the alarm. He eventually calmed down and was completely fine. Those were two significant moments in my life that made me realize we crave being held and comforted.

THIS IS WHEN I ALSO REALIZE, WE NEED TO FEEL THAT IT IS COMPLETELY OKAY TO FEEL HOWEVER WE FEEL.

As children, we need our parents to hold us as much as we need them to and explain to us that “it’s okay to feel this way”. When we grow up, we want our partner to hold us, especially when we are going through hard times and talk to them. We’ve all heard that every human being needs to have a certain amount of touch or physical contact per day, but do we understand how important it is for us? Also, do we know how important it is to be “okay” with whatever we are feeling?

Holding someone and being held gives comfort to both sides — have you ever thought about it? It gives comfort to who holds you as if it were some sort of shelter, and it’s a way of saying I’m here with you. To the other party who holds, it sends the message of let me offer you some comfort. Both are tremendously important for both parties, but how many of us actually realize that?

If we truly realized that, do you think we’d use it for our own benefit? You’re going to ask me what I mean, and I’ll tell you right now. How many of us, when comforting another person, think of ourselves as being superior because we are the ones offering that support and assurance? Our ego gets a boost. Some might think that we are in a superior position because a friend is “needy”. That term, in today’s society, conveys connotations of being weak and wrong, but is that really bad? What’s wrong with being vulnerable?

How many people do you know that can honestly tell you that they want to be held and feel connected to? That they are frustrated, angry, or fearful? How many? I bet, at most, it’s one person. That person deserves a lot of respect for it.

Many of us who respond to the question – “how are you?”, with “I’m great”. But is that true? Many of those who claim to be “great”, come home from work just to start TV-binging, looking for comfort, or may even start drinking, looking for that same comfort.

PEOPLE HAVE INVENTED THOUSANDS OF WAYS TO BE DISHONEST WITH THEMSELVES. ALL THOSE LIES LEAD TO HIDDEN PAINS, FAILURES IN LIFE, AS WELL AS A FEAR OF LIVING.

I’m sure you’re saying – ‘you described ways we seek comfort from another person, but how can someone help give themselves comfort?’ The answer I offer you seems difficult at first, but once you do it and repeat it a hundred times, it becomes easier.

ONE SHOULD LEARN TO COMFORT THEMSELVES AT ANY GIVEN TIME. WE NEED TO LEARN HOW TO LET FEELINGS GO, LIVE THROUGH THOSE FEELINGS, AND NOT TO BLAME OURSELVES FOR THEM.

For instance, if you come home and feel angry, recognize what you’re feeling. Then acknowledge it by going to the mirror and telling yourself: I am angry. Say it to the mirror, then start repeating how angry you are. Maybe raise your voice by barking and yelling about how angry you are…you get the gist of it, right?

Once you feel that you’ve done enough of that — indication would be an emptiness inside — you might cry. I would say simply cry it out, let yourself feel angry, and live out those emotions for as long as you need. Turn off your phone, don’t talk to anyone. Just live it out. Not long after, you’ll feel slightly better and happier. More importantly, you won’t have any of those negative emotions stored inside of you that’ll just poison you in the long run.

Each one of us has a tremendous amount of different emotions that we experience daily. Many of us may carry negative feelings from our childhood. Instead of working through these feelings, we tend to internalize them, feel miserable, and not know how to change them. No one stops to think about how they can make their life better, and why they feel such misery.

FIRSTLY, WE NEED TO REALIZE THAT WHATEVER FEELINGS WE ARE EXPERIENCING IN THE MOMENT ARE OKAY.

Somewhere in this world, hundreds of people are experiencing the same feeling like you at this very moment. Secondly, we need to put a real name for this feeling. Is it anger? Doubt? Happiness? Thirdly, let yourself feel this to the fullest, even if this means crying your eyes out for three hours. If you need to be sad for an entire day and experience the whole nine yards – then don’t be afraid to do so.

After doing this for several weeks, or even months, see how your life changes. You may feel more relaxed, calm, or even less negative. You’ll be able to identify what’s going on inside you and give yourself the support and care you need. Only we can give ourselves total and complete support.

If we would learn to help our mind and soul go through life-challenging events, through means of our own individual support, many of us would become mentally and emotionally healthier. Let’s say you had developed a problem from trying to find comfort elsewhere – a drinking problem. After you learn how to fully comfort and love yourself from within, you’ll find yourself with no need to find “comfort” from a drink or other unhealthy habits.

At the end of the day, all of us want to be happier and healthier. If only we knew how important self-care and support it. Maybe this is the first step to a full realization that life is simple and we must accept ourselves and our emotions within it.