A couple of events happened the other day that triggered me to first, ponder and second, write this article.

That day I was bathing my son and all of a sudden, he started to slip from my hand. The bathtub was slippery and I couldn’t quite catch him steady enough, so I tried to find some balance. My three-month-old son felt that something wasn’t right and looked at me with worry in his eyes, but I was smiling and kept calm — which he read off of me and he trustingly calmed down.

Later that evening, when I was feeding him after his bath, the fire alarm went off and, of course, my son got startled and started sobbing right away. That was when I grabbed him, hugged him tightly, started to sing in his ear in a calm, relaxing way. At first, my son didn’t know how to react but he then felt my arms around him and heard my calm voice despite the alarm. He calmed down and was completely fine. Those were two significant moments that made me think how deeply we need to be held and comforted.

That was when I thought about how deep our need is to feel that “it is okay” to feel however we feel at any moment.

As children, we need our parents to hold us as much as we need to and explain to us that “it’s okay to feel this way”. When we grow up, we want our partner to hold us, especially when we are going through hard times and talk through them. We’ve all heard that every human being needs to have certain amount of touch or physical contact per day but do we understand how important it is for us? Also, do we know how important it is to be “okay” with whatever we feeling?

Holding and being held gives comfort to both sides — have you thought about it? It gives comfort to whom you as it’s some sort of a shelter, and way of saying I’m here with you; and to the other party who hugs, it’s sends the message of let me offer you some comfort. Both ways are tremendously important for both parties, but how many of us realize that?

If we truly realized that, do you think we’d use it for our own benefit? You’re going to ask me what I mean, and of course, I’ll tell you right now. How many of us, when hugging another person in need, think of themselves being a little superior because they offer that comfort and assure that it’s “okay” to be going through whatever that person is at that very moment. Their ego gets a boost. One might think that he or she is in a better position because a friend is “needy”; that term, in today’s society conveys connotations of being weak, wrong and so on… But is it truly as bad as it seems? What’s wrong with being vulnerable?

How many people do you know that can honestly tell you that they need to be hugged and feel connected, that they are frustrated or angry or fear? How many? I bet at most it’s one person, and that person should have tons of respect from you for doing that.

Many of us who respond to the question “how are you” with “I’m great”. But is that so?

How many of those who claim to be “great” come back home from work just to start binging in front of the TV looking for comfort, or even start drinking, looking for that same comfort..?

People invented thousands of ways to be dishonest with themselves, and all those lies lead to many more hidden pains and thus, failures in life along with a fear of living.

Okay now you’ll tell me, you described ways we seek to get comfort from another person, but how can a single person help herself or himself to give and take those hugs and comfort? This way I offer you seems difficult at first, but once you do it and repeat a hundred times, it’ll be very easy.

One should learn how to give comfort to oneself at any given time. We need to learn how to let feelings go, how to live through those feelings, and how not to blame ourselves for them.

For instance, if you come home and feel angry, first recognize that you have a feeling of anger, and then acknowledge by going to the mirror and telling yourself: I’m feeling angry. You can also lie down and acknowledge that, but frankly I think it’ll be more efficient if you look into the mirror. So, say it to the mirror, then start mimicking how angry you are. Maybe raise your voice by maybe barking and saying how angry you are … you get the gist of it, right?

Once you feel that you’ve done enough of that — indication would be an emptiness inside — you might cry; just simply cry it out and let yourself be sad and live out those emotions for as long as you need. Turn off your phone, don’t talk to anyone. Just live it out. And not long after, you’d feel better and happier, and more importantly, you won’t store any of that negative emotions inside of you that’ll poison you in the long run.

Everyone of us has tremendous amounts of different feelings that we experience daily. Many of us carry negative feelings from childhood, and instead of working through them and fixing our fundamentals, because we understand that childhood traumas are the most painful, we tend to tell ourselves “I’m great”, come home, feel miserable , but not know how to change it. Not one will even think of how they can make their life better, and why they feel such misery…

First we need to realize that whatever feelings we experience at the moment is okay.

Somewhere in this world at least another thousand people have the same feelings at this very moment. Second, we need to — honestly — put a real name to this feeling. Third, let yourself feel it to the fullest. If it means crying your eyes out for two or three hours, then you should do that for however long you need; if that means that you need to feel sad, and let yourself be sad for a day, then experience the whole nine yards.

After doing it for a number of weeks or months, see how your life changes. You’ll feel more relaxed, calmer, and less filled with negativity. You’ll be able to identify what’s going on within you and feel constant support.

Only we can give ourselves total support. If we would learn to help our soul go through life-challenging events with support from ourselves, many of us will become healthier. If somebody has any problem, say a drinking problem, after you learn how to “hold” yourself in, you’ll find yourself with no need for an additional “comfort” that can be somewhat unhealthy.

At the end of the day, all of us want to be happier and healthier, unless your hidden agenda is otherwise. Even then, I propose that you try and see how you like it. Maybe this would be first step to a full realization of the simplicity of life, and acceptance.