Where should I start? Hmmm… There are so many ways that I can address this topic that I sometimes get lost in my own thoughts. We live in a society that sells women’s sexuality left and right. I’m sure I’m not the first person you hear that from; it’s often been discussed. Some people listen and think about this issue, while many others ignore. Well, there’s not much I can do about it but share; everyone chooses what they think anyway, and therefore, how they act.

Anyway, I started to ask the question: Why do some women dress too openly, and what does it lead to? What do they hope to gain by doing so? What do they manifest, and what is their reality?

I’ve never been the girl who dresses promiscuously to attract men’s gazes; however, as long as I can remember, I’ve always attracted them anyway.

Throughout my life, I’ve had several friends who were very epatage in the way they dress, and the way the carry themselves. They would wear very short skirts and open blouses, the highest stilettos, heavy makeup and …. the whole nine yards, basically. Don’t get me wrong: there’s nothing inherently bad about dressing that way. All of them were beautiful, attractive, and indeed very sexy, but there is a right when, where, and how to go about doing that. Another thing that I had figured out is the kind of an attitude these women have while they wear clothes like that.

Imagine a girl who is wearing a short skirt and an open blouse but not high heels, say ballet shoes, and smiles openly and warmly: you get a slight sexual vibration from her, but it will be more of a soft, nice and non-threatening vibration; something more cute and attractive than aggressively sexy and screams “I want to f*ck you right away”.

On the other hand, imagine another picture with a girl wearing the same skirt and blouse and high heels, with tons of makeup and donning that “what the f*ck” look and attitude. She will trigger a sense of insecurity in some men, a desire to obtain that girl, or even fear, which then compels them to take control over that fear. As a result, it can sometimes lead to semi-violent sex.

Can you see the difference that such a small detail — a girl’s attitude when she dresses provocatively — can make?

Now, my question is this: What do these girls really want? Do they want to be desired? If that’s the case, they got it. But what’s next? The funny thing is that in most cases, these girls get so lost that they don’t even realize what they really want. Not their friend, not their mother and not anyone else. I imagine you telling me that you’ve heard that before, but unfortunately, we still don’t know what we really want.

Let me start by telling you what you will attract by dressing and behaving provocatively.

I want to start off with one of my own examples. As I mentioned before, I’ve never been a very promiscuous dresser but there were some periods in my life where I would change my style and start putting on more heels and short skirts. What I found interesting was that when I had heels on, I attracted a completely different group of men who had this ‘sexual vibe’, even though I didn’t intended to share that same vibe with them. It was very vivid to me when I realized that men who are attracted to me because of my sex appeal belonged to the ‘this will lead nowhere’ category, but when I was just myself and had worn a less sexually aggressive outfit, I would attract normal guys who simply desire to be in a relationship. Even if I didn’t end up in a long term relationship with the latter, they were the ones whom I felt comfortable being with, and I felt more like myself around them.

When I switched into my other “mode”, I would attract men with high testosterone levels. But in terms of qualities that would make them good long term partners, they were the poorest. These were extremely desirable and attractive guys who didn’t have it in their minds the need or desire to settle down or have a relationship. They told me, however, that they had wanted to, but I learned later that it was only part of their game.

My style has been completely changed over the past several years, especially after I met my husband. It has become more conservative BUT extremely classy, and you are not going to believe it: sexy nonetheless.

I’ve leaned over the last few decades that men take what women give them. So if you jump on them with an aggressively sexual look, don’t expect them to say no to your proposal, and don’t expect them to even think of committing to anything serious afterwards. They’re going to play the same game the both of you started from the get go. On rare occasions it will lead to something different, but more often than not it leads to the outcome women expect when they started this ‘game’.

That’s why I’m asking you to think about what you really want in your life.

If you want a relationship and yet, you have that sexy, aggressive demeanor, then you should expect a man to show up — and believe me, he will show up — but what would his intentions be and what would his next steps be…?

Therefore, if say you want a relationship, you really need to evaluate your self-image and what you covey to the world around you in order to eliminate the mistake of expecting a man to read your mind and give you what you want, yet ignoring the message you convey through your actions. Remember, he won’t do that! You need to be honest with yourself and to him. Don’t expect him to give you something that you’re unwilling to give to him. Give him a fling, and he’ll take it and give it back to you. Don’t you think that’s fair and correct? Guys are straightforward in many instances and it’s us women who makes things more complicated because of our far more complicated nature; and therefore we are the ones who are supposed to be more responsible in really getting to know ourselves, so that we won’t end up with a broken heart and a broken relationship.

That’s why I keep saying that we women need to learn about our power and start using it organically to develop our lives and change our relationships for better, to make people around us happier, because it is also on us to do so, and we can do that! It’s not guys, not a person from the other door…

Be conscientious and aware of every single moment, ask questions — ask the right questions to yourself — and don’t be afraid to listen to your answers, even if you don’t like them. Be open to exploring your inner self. It’s scary, but it will be relieving – trust me on that.

And lastly ask yourself , do you really want to be perceived as sexy and just sexy only? Being sexy is often implies that you’re empty and hungry for something else.

So what do you crave for…?