I have found that in my years, many people tend to trust me. They tell me things that they’d never tell anyone else.
The other day while I was getting my facial, I was talking to my beautician about her divorce. When the beautician started telling me her story, I began thinking about how us, women, are lost. There really isn’t anyone for us to confide in about the pain we all have inside, that lives with us for years. She had one child and was divorced now for a few years.
She had loved her husband, but their relationship was brutal and abusive. She had stayed in her marriage for years, thinking she’d never find anything better, if at all. As she was telling me about her marriage, I could see the pain going through her eyes.It seemed like she was realizing the unfairness of the situation she had been in.
When I asked her if she would ever want to find another man, she said she wanted to – but couldn’t.
She kept talking and I just got lost in my thoughts, thinking about how similar our issues were. Our feelings, fears, and desires were all so similar. We are often afraid of telling even ourselves what we really want. Admitting that we’d love to have a man, and a healthy relationship can be hard. Then I started wondering about how many of us actually understand what a healthy relationship is. How would we even know if we were in a healthy relationship? Of course, I had to make my question vocal – so I asked her. She didn’t have an answer. I wasn’t expecting her to turn the table and ask me the same question, but she did. She thought about every answer that I gave her.
I could see that what I was telling her was new for her.
I told here what being a woman actually meant, how age and experience leads to that sense of intuition. She was open to everything I was telling her. We started coming up with a strategy for attracting the right person for her that can give her all the things she wants in life. We discussed her divorce and all the bitter feelings she had and the process she took to heal those wounds.
After telling me about all the psychologists and fortune tellers she had gone to, I realized that none of those things were helping her. I asked her how they helped and treated her, but it seemed like they weren’t doing any help at all. They had never tried to help her understand why she had been punishing herself in the first place. There weren’t tools in place for her to work through her issues. Many of us are intuitive in the ways we should be treated, but I left the beautician wondering how it took years for this woman to find a solution.
Many of us come home to an empty apartment, make the same grocery store stops, take the same routes to work. Some may feel miserable from time to time, sitting in front of the TV wishing there was somebody else in the picture. When we see a man opening the door for their partner, we wonder why we don’t have the same thing. Deep down that feeling of loneliness gets to us when we least expect it. The older we get, the more it gets to us.
Nevertheless, we all need to understand that there is a life worth living without those feelings.
You can heal yourself from all the bad experiences you’ve had with relationships. You can start all over again and be as happy as you can imagine. Yes, it is a great amount of work: inner work, outer work, changing, thinking, and accepting. In the end, my dear women, you’ll feel calmness because you find a man who protects you. A man that you can rely on, that you feel safe around, and whom you can trust. You can learn how to have a relationship that is open and warm. What can be more desirable than that? Relationships matter in this world, whether it be with your friend, your son, or your significant other.
