Ask Your Man for Help
Lately, proud women have been leaving comments about things ranging from “I don’t need a man to feel important or to validate me” to “A man’s not a real man unless he does what I tell him to do”. When I read these comments I decided to share my perspective on this topic, resulting in this article.
When you refrain from asking for or accepting help, this directly reflects your own pride and hubris. Many religions mention pride and it is considered such a detriment that it is regarded as one of the seven deadly sins. So I’ll ask you a question and answer it honestly to yourself: Do you ever ask for help? Do you ever even consider asking people for help? When you do ask, who is it that are you asking? Is it easy to ask and where do you draw the line before you feel you need to ask for help? In an emergency? When it’s too late? Or when you feel yourself begin to struggle with all of the weight of responsibilities you’ve taken on?
A woman came to me recently and mentioned that men don’t know how to be men anymore. While I believe that in part this statement may be true, I believe that men haven’t forgotten, but that women have hindered their ability to act like the men that they would otherwise be.
Communicate and Ask for Help
It is important to communicate with your significant other about your struggles and difficulties and ask for help when you need it. He needs to feel that you will come to him when you need help so that he can help you through any difficult situations you may experience. This helps both of you feel connected and stronger in the relationship overall and helps to reinforce that strength because you will realize that he is reliable when you need him to be, and he feels you are more open and trustworthy even in difficult circumstances. It helps to reinforce the fact that his woman truly needs him and that you rely on him to be your partner and to take charge sometimes and that he needs you, and wants to make you happy and feel safe and loved. That feeling of being the protector and helping his loved ones and family makes him feel gratified and proud of himself while also making the woman feel reassured, protected, and happy.
On a more personal note, many of my friends who are women have become extremely stressed out because they refuse to ask their spouses or anyone for help and, because of their pride, they have been put into difficult situations that may have otherwise been avoided. They came to me and said things like, “He’s unreliable so I will just do it myself… Why bother asking?” among other things.
It’s not the men, it’s the women, I’ve seen some of these men give up everything to help their woman but because the women have rejected their help so many times it’s basically killed any desire these men may have had to be their chivalrous selves! My friends continue their sanctimonious speeches pushing their “I am woman hear me roar” attitudes when I can see clear as day how depressed they truly are, and it breaks my heart. Especially because many of them stay in these relationships where their spouses have been pushed to the point of no return by their women who have this, “I don’t need help from anyone” attitude. Even if you don’t think you need help, that doesn’t mean someone can’t help alleviate a little of the weight off. I can carry all of the groceries in one trip by myself, but when my husband comes out to help me, it makes it much easier on me (especially when he helps put them away too!) Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you have to do it on your own and a little bit of help goes a long way.
Asking for Help Can be Hard
For many, it can be hard to control your emotions and instead we wind up yelling and creating a scene because it’s easier than biting the bullet and humbly asking your man for some money for clothes, much less letting go of our anger when emotions run high over something that’s actually important. Even simply asking for a hug after a hard day can be difficult sometimes. As women we get in our own way because of our drive to be strong and independent, but is it worth it if it strips us, our spouses, and even our children of our happiness as a family? When our ego is telling us to keep our guard up and stay strong, even to the ones with whom we should be breaking down those walls, it instead builds them up to the point that in order to break them you need a wrecking ball and of course more damage will occur the higher the wall has become. Our harsh judgementality of ourselves, let alone others, has become a detriment to our social lives, thus making the thought of exposing our vulnerability and opening up even to the ones we love, incredibly terrifying.
Asking and Accepting with Humbleness, Graciousness, Appreciation, Dignity, and R.E.S.P.E.C.T
At least when talking with our men, learning to not lash out, and to allow ourselves to be women and to be vulnerable can be incredibly difficult to do but ultimately rewarding and worth exercising.
Accepting ourselves as the women we are meant to be and giving ourselves permission to ask for help and for favors as necessary will help us to begin to slowly take down our walls brick by brick. Our men will feel happier and more secure in knowing that they could help the woman that they love and feel more connected to us because of our vulnerability and this will help them to open up to us so that we can help them in turn. There’s no game, there’s no deceit, it’s simply accepting another human being for who they are and respecting their nature.
All of the propaganda that we have been exposed to that the media pushes onto us women has made us feel inadequate, and that we need to somehow live up to these enormous expectations. Some of which insinuates that as women we need to be strong, intelligent, slim, and in shape at all times. Instead of focusing on this negativity, I urge you to work on accepting yourself and others for who you are. When you need to cry, cry, laugh whenever you want, but keep in mind that should you need help, all you need to do is ask for it and to accept it when it’s given to you instead of taking the whole world onto your shoulders. No one should have to do that and the first step is to simply ask, and you shall receive.
When you begin to ask for help you will begin to understand and accept yourself for who you are. For the next few weeks try an experiment. Start asking for help once a day or more. Even little things like, “Hey would you mind pouring me a cup of coffee?” or “Would you mind passing me the remote?” etcetera. After a while you may start to realize the things changing around you, and you may even find that people begin to help you without you even having to ask.
