How often are we faced with a situation in our lives when people had had a great sexual relationship at the beginning of their relationship; they start off being very close, they talk, spent time together, but after a while, all of that fades away. Sometimes women ask questions like “why did he stop paying attention to me? Am I not attractive enough for him anymore? Is there something wrong with me? Or it is him?” Nevertheless, these couples encounter problems that stem from losing that closeness they once had.

Let’s look at it more closely.

Do you truly feel bounded and connected to your spouse?

Every woman wants to feel loved, desired, sexually attractive. In many cases, women have certain “standards” for being in a relationship, such as: how many times a week they should have sex. Once a week is okay but if they haven’t had it for more than two or three weeks, it makes them worried. It makes her feel as if something went wrong. It brings her a sense of vulnerability and a lack of structure (note: in her mind, she has a picture of how things are supposed to be, and once another person disagrees with her, it makes her feel unstable).

Manipulation by sex is a major wave in our society; when a woman lacks sexual contact, she fears to lose control over a man, which is a destructive motive itself.

Or, a woman truly wants to have a close, loving relationship, and really needs sexual contact because through it she derives enjoyment and pleasure; therefore, she blossoms, she’s happy, and of course, just a pleasure to be around.

So, before we start changing our relationship and working on ourselves, we need to first figure out what drives us to desire sex. Based on the answer, we need to alter either our actions or our beliefs.

A true relationship is only possible if the woman enjoys sex as a form of intimacy if she’s giving herself without any expectations or conditions. Only then would the man desire her as a woman. If she seeks to manipulate her man using sex, trying to fish from her man whatever she desires because in her eyes it’s the only way to get what she wants — it’s not going to bring her and the relationship anywhere.

A relationship is a giving act. We all need to learn how to give without wanting anything in return.

Unfortunately, we live in a society, that emphasizes an importance of money and a “my way or the highway” interaction between people, and getting as much as you want without considering others. Look what we have today. Lots of broken relationships, tons of confused people who don’t know what a relationship is, and another group of people who are deathly afraid of any sort of relationship because they have a distorted idea of relationships that are based on media and propaganda, or their parents.

We have forgotten how to come home and just hug our spouse — just because we feel like it. Instead, we expect them to hug us. We don’t buy presents just because we want to; we wait for an event or occasion and wait for our spouses do the same. Is there any love and giving in all this? I don’t see any love, but I do see taking, selfishness and a lack of love.

Hw many of us can come home and ask our man to hug, to kiss, to lay down and be silent because we need it? No, we don’t do that because it’s a sign of weakness, vulnerability, and it gives him something to manipulate. Do you know that we often need to just be held? That’s it. Sex is not something both sexes need all the time! Our minds are poisoned by that idea but in reality, women just need to feel touch and men just need to see a sweet look on her face. Do we give it to them? I’ve had a hard time searching for it. Couples exchange “nice” looks when they are out with friends, but that’s about it. When they are home, there are no more sweet touches.

I need to mention that there’s also an opposite end of the extreme from what I’m saying here. There are a lot of young females who are trying very hard to get into relationship. That’s another sad part about our propaganda — women feel like they need to be in a relationship by a certain age; therefore, girls starve themselves, and in many cases their efforts become atrocious. I’m sure you’ve seen young girls who are basically hanging themselves off a guy’s neck with all kind of “sweet” names, and they are willing to carry a truck if he asks for it. They are extremely subservient and service-oriented 🙂

Both types of women won’t go anywhere in terms of relationships. They are going to end up alone or in a terrible relationship where they have a spouse yet feel alone. This is the worst possible outcome that leads to depression and a deep dissatisfaction.

I’m going to suggest you to try to implement a new pattern in your relationship and see in 6 to 8 months if it works for you. Don’t be discouraged, though, if your partner disappears. It just means that he isn’t ready to be in a real relationship; therefore, I’m not sure if you even need him at all.

I want you to understand that every single relationship has its own tendencies, patterns, and speed.

There are no rules when it comes to sexual interactions and physical contact. It’s important that you feel comfortable in that relationship, and how you get there, doesn’t really matter. If you and your partner are okay having sex once in a blue moon, but you guys are holding hands every day and that brings you together, then so be it! Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you’re different! It is your own unique interaction.

If you think of sex as an instrument of manipulation, the disconnect has already started. Do you think you can attend to his basic instincts and play along with it? Who do you need? An animal? What would happen if he lost the ability to have sex? What would you do then? What about yourself? Do you think you’d always be young and beautiful? What about the concept that everybody deteriorates — yours will too, no matter how many injections or exercise you’ve done. Can you see where I’m leading you to..?

Another point is this: if you are going to train your man to be like an animal who only craves sex, he will start perceiving you as an object of some sort. Do you think you’ll get proper attention, attitude, and treatment if he loses his normal perception of you as a woman, one who needs to be loved, protected, cherished and so on…?

Men want to be heroes for us. They want to protect us. They want to provide for us and we are the ones who spoil them by saying “I’ll do it myself” and refuse to let them take any responsibility for us because of our own fears. We don’t love ourselves enough to let them show their love and love us. The only thing a man wants in return is to be a real woman: to encourage him, be there for him when he needs it, show him that we can’t do things without him and let him be our hero. Let him create a safe environment for us, where we can be a little girl or the head of a household or a mother. After all, we all want to stop chasing after something and we don’t always know what it is, to surrender to a strong man in order to feel safe and comfortable in our own skin, and to know that we would be accepted and loved no matter what.

Is it worth then, to play all the games society imposes on us? Personally, I choose to have a true, vulnerable, loving, and close relationship with my husband. What about you?