Many of us have had those relationships where the sex is fantastic in the beginning. You and your partner are really close, you constantly talk and spend your time together, but after a little while, it all fades. All of a sudden questions start to rise to the surface like, “How come he isn’t paying any attention to me anymore?” “Does that mean I am not pretty enough anymore?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Am I the problem or is he the problem?” This all starts when you begin to lose that initial closeness that you had when the relationship first started and was fresh.

Are you and your spouse really connected?

Feeling loved, sexually attractive, and desired is what every woman wants to feel. Women even often set “standards” in their relationships that must be maintained otherwise they feel that something must be going wrong in their relationship. For example the amount of times they have sex per week is often a standard that women set, some like it a couple times a week, but if they become starved for it for two to three weeks, then it begins to take a toll on their psyche. They begin to wonder what is going wrong, like “why doesn’t he want me?” In a woman’s mind, they have their own perspective of how they want their relationship to be, and if someone, especially her partner, doesn’t understand that or agree, she may begin to feel her relationship is unstable. 

Women have sex for two reasons outside of child bearing. Manipulating men with sex is a destructive pattern that has emerged in our society. This happens for many reasons all circulating around the fact that when a woman is sexually starved she may feel afraid that she is going to lose any control she has in her relationship. 

Alternatively a woman may also want to have sex because she loves her spouse and wants to have an intimate, sexual, and close relationship with him because it’s what she wants which makes her happy and amazing to be around. 

What drives your desire for sex? Depending on your answer, your beliefs and actions may need to be adjusted before you try to work on yourself and before you start trying to change your relationship. 

When a woman is using and enjoying sex as a way to be intimate with her partner, unconditionally and without expectations, it is the only true way the relationship can work as a whole. When the woman only seeks to get what she wants from her man through manipulation by way of sex, it can be detrimental to the relationship.

Giving Willingly and Without Reciprocal Expectations 

In our society today, we are surrounded by a multitude of broken relationships, people who are confused about what a relationship should be, and people who are afraid of relationships altogether due to either their own parents setting a bad example or the distorted way that relationships are propagandized in the media. We live in a “my way or the highway” era that emphasizes and showcases the material world with the mindset of taking instead of giving. 

When was the last time you bought your spouse a gift or did something nice for them that wasn’t brought about by a holiday or a special occasion? We need to hug our spouses, even if it’s just because we want to at that moment, but instead, we have this expectation that they’re supposed to hug us. Is there even any giving or love in this type of relationship? A relationship can only work with give and take from both sides. Both sides need to feel loved, appreciated, and cared about.

Being held, hugging, and kissing our man isn’t a sign of vulnerability, weakness, or a way for him to manipulate you, it’s a way to be intimate together, and show affection and love. Sometimes we just need a hug. That’s all. There is no ulterior motive, and when it comes to sex, that’s exactly how it should be. A way for you as a couple to be intimate, and close, and express your love for one another. It isn’t needed all the time by both sexes, like many have been poisoned to think, women need physical contact from their spouse, but this can be something as simple and sweet as a hug and kiss, and men just need to see their spouse happy.

On the flip side, there are many young women who want a relationship so badly that they would do anything for one. They feel that they have to be in a relationship by or before they reach a certain age. This can be detrimental because these girls will starve themselves among other atrocities to get a relationship. You’ve seen those extremely subservient young women who go after a man, following him to the ends of the Earth and back, and who would lift a building if he asked them to. Those relationships don’t work because there are only two outcomes, they wind up alone, or they find themselves in a horrible relationship where even though they have a spouse, they feel so alone. This is by far the worst outcome possible because it leads to deep dissatisfaction and depression.

Each Relationship is Unique

You both need to understand that you need to do what’s working for you as a couple. If you are both ok with only having sex once every few weeks but you still love spending time together, and holding hands, then that’s totally fine! And if someone tells you otherwise then don’t listen to them! It’s because your relationship is different, and your interactions are unique, but if the love is there and you and your spouse are happy and your relationship works, then there’s no problem.

If you are a person who only thinks of sex as a way to get what you want, then you are already disconnected. You won’t always be young and beautiful, everyone eventually deteriorates, and you will too. It won’t matter how much plastic surgery or injections you have, you will eventually lose him. What if he was no longer able to have sex? What would you do then? 

If you train your spouse to only crave sex, you will be perceived less as a person and more as an object. You won’t receive appropriate attention, and you won’t be treated right, because he doesn’t cherish you as the woman he loves and who needs to be protected or cared about. 

Men want to protect us and be our heroes. They instinctively want to provide, yet here we are ruining everything by saying something so selfish as, “No, I’ll do it on my own” because we are afraid and won’t let them have any responsibility for us. We have to learn to love ourselves, and in doing so we can let them love us as well. All men want is for us to be women and to let them be the man and be our heroes. Feeling comfortable in our own skin, and knowing that no matter what we are safe and accepted is priceless, and this can be obtained by simply not playing the games that our society presses upon us. 

In my own personal relationship, I have decided that I want to have a long lasting, loving, vulnerable, and true relationship with the man I chose as my husband. Will you do the same?